Me, visualizing insanity at a bar a couple of months ago.
This morning when I woke up, I was absolutely sure I had lost my mind. Not in a Kafka-esque way, where your insanity is what makes you interesting, but in a distinctly eerie way that makes you unable to perform everyday duties like washing yourself and slicing cheese.
It all happened in those weird 5-10 minutes where you’re not quite asleep but definitely not awake. It is a strange limbo where you are fully aware that the mixture of an airport and your old high school wasn’t actually a real place, but you still very much carry the confusion, anger, and incapacitation of trying to find someone or something that you lost at that particular venue.
That’s when I heard it. Some sort of buzzing, like a vibrating cell phone. Being the happy owner of a cell phone myself, I (now thoroughly pleased that someone was so anxious to speak to me that it simply couldn’t wait until a civilised hour) grabbed it. But there was no one calling me. Thinking that it was just someone being called right outside my room, I tried to go back to sleep. But it just went on and on. Putting my pillow on my head and still not being able to make the sound go away, indeed, the pillow didn’t even muffle it, I started to get nervous. Was this sound coming from inside my head?
I went out into the hall to check the jackets and bags. No matter where I went the sound neither intensified nor distanced. I was basically panicking. Running around like a crazy person (which I thought was appropriate, since I was obviously becoming one), I checked pockets and bags again and again. Finally, in a state of despair I shouted up the stairs that “Someone is being called by someone!” No answer.
I ran up to my cousin’s room and knocked hard on the door. I wanted to know if she could hear it too. Not being able to stand this any longer, I barged into her room. There on the floor, was her goddamn iPhone, happily vibrating away. Turns out, the floor had transported the vibrations through to what would then be my ceiling and walls (it’s all very Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, I know), creating the illusion that the sound was everywhere.
After that I couldn’t really fall asleep again. For about 15 whole minutes I had been insane. I wonder if I could have pleaded momentary insanity if I’d have done something illegal. Then again, if you’re insane, do you really know it yourself?